so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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