I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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