Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
