I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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