um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
