He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
