I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize