i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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