mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
