I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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