kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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