So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
