he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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