you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
