Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
