Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
