): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
