She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
