my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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