I hate your face
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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