You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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