My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
