...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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