I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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