I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
