id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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