You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
