Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
