It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
