Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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