your thong is hanging out like whoa
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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