ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Send help, water and tortillas.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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