6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
