Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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