I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
wow bdsm is so cute
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize