His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
