The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
