This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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