He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
