As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
