i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
