I'm jealous of your bromance
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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