those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
