also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
