so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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