you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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