She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
