You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
