getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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