"it" just moved
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
