They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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