So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize