So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
