and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
