there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
