dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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