I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
