just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
