I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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