i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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