I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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