You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize