Can Purell be used as lube?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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