Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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