I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize