Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
