Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
