She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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