That's intense
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
