I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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