My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
