Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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