Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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