dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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