HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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