Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
