im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
