Im at strip club and am horny
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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