my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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