So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize