Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
