Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
