I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
