Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she smelled like a LAN party
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
God I need to hump something, right now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
