if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
