we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
