i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
