Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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