How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
