Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
