Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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