he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my poor anus
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
