she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just want to make out with him forever
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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