I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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