i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
