There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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