I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
