just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
