I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm always down for nudity.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
