Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
