are you still at the devil's house?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
